I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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