so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
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