I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
