i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
