You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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