I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
