don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
