Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
