i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
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