you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Less talking, more tequila
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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