I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
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