he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
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it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
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