I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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