i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
