Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
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