i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
