and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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