So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
