I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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