that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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