So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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