i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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