You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
