you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
