Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
