Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
