I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
