I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
