I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
