In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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