So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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