When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
