i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
She needs sedatives and a leash
the liver wants what the liver wants
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
