he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
