she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
