So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
