okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
