I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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