I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
