im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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