Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
