We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
