I must be too annoying 4 u.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
