how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
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I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
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He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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