whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
You're like the curious george of whores
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
