I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
