the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize