Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
