We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
