will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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