Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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