You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
