omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
