i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
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