I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
