You can't special order awesome
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
