I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
