I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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