Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
