I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
