I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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