there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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