umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
