i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
