you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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