i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
