Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
