I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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