in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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