I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
