the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
