Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
