apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Dicks are not precious.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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