Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
