Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
