I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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