My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
We just shotgunned beers for America
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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