I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Randomize
