Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
