Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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