I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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