Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
